Saturday, May 24, 2014

Insomnia and GPS Fails: An Angry Tirade.

I'm a friendly drunk, but the meanest tired person you'll ever meet.  And I'm SO FREAKING TIRED.

I haven't been sleeping well lately.  A busy schedule combined with stress and exciting opportunities on the horizon are all to blame.  Last night, I slept two hours.  TWO HOURS.  I've watched movies longer than that.  I had to get up at 3 AM to leave by 3:45 so I could make my call time of 7:15 in the Catskills.  I know it seems silly to a lot of people to go so far out of my way to do extra work, but this was a fun opportunity that paid well and so it was totally worth it.

The only problem was the sleep.  I took some Zzzzquil at 8, took a shower, and went to bed at 9.  I saw every hour until 1.  The harder I tried to go to sleep, the more vehemently my body rejected the idea.

 "Oh, ho-ho!  Sleep?  Silly girl!  You have to be up in six hours...I mean five...I mean four...I mean three...there's no time for sleep!"

It was terrible.  When sleep finally did come and I peeled my puffy, red, irritated eyes open two hours later, I knew this was going to be a hard day.

It WAS.  Have you ever tried driving for three pre-dawn hours without a good night's sleep?  It's excruciating.  To make matters worse, I've lost my voice due to what I can only assume is a reaction to all the beautiful flowers blooming in my neighborhood right now.  Normally, I keep myself awake by blasting the stereo and singing along at the top of my lungs, but I couldn't find enough Marvin Gaye songs to put that plan into action.  Instead, I drank two Red Bulls and opened the windows periodically.

I would like to thank Benefit Boing industrial strength concealer and an
Instagram filter for making this photo possible.
The job was great fun and I actually ended up working with a very sweet girl whom I'd met on two other occasions, so I'm quite glad I went.

The drive home, though?  The drive home was worse than the drive there.  You see, I had no idea where I was, other than the fact that Dirty Dancing had been set somewhere nearby.  I set my car's GPS to take me home, and she told me to get off on a very crowded exit before correcting herself and being all, "Whoops!  Actually, turn around right after you pay this toll.  Then pay that toll again, going the other way and get back on the road you were already on.  The one that had no traffic."  So, that was 45 minutes and $5 I'll never get back.

I decided to trust Google instead, but wouldn't you know it?  Google's satellites apparently don't work ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN.  This makes no sense to me.  We're closer to the satellites, yet nothing bounces back at me from up there?  I don't get it.

I winged it for a while before finally getting a Google signal again.  While I love Google since it tells me traffic patterns, I do not love that it took me on a trek through the woods and gravel roads, passing five dead deer along the way, to get me home.  There are lots of highways in between the Catskills and my house, and I barely used any of them today.  As an added bonus, Google satellites also don't work in the woods.  Even when they bring you out there themselves.  Just as I was anticipating the next turn instruction, instead I heard, "GPS signal lost".  Oh.  Thanks, Google.  I'll just ask this dead possum how to get home (I saw two of those too).
The sky was pretty today, though.  That was nice.

Eventually, I did get home, but not on the advice of any of my very expensive devices.  I just saw a highway I recognized and took it until everything looked familiar again, even though my phone was about to route me through more traffic lights.  Sometimes, technology is a pain in the ass.

The only good thing about being lost when you're very very very tired is that it's hard to fall asleep when you're busy braking for bunnies and potholes and stoplights.  So, I did make it home safely, after many hours on the road.  When I got home is when I had my mental breakdown.  Just some fits of crying and wanting to throw things and scream and rage.  I took a nap for an hour and woke up even angrier than before.  WHY CAN'T I SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT??? WHY ARE HUSBAND AND THE KID SO FREAKING LOUD???  WHY IS THE STUPID SUN SHINING ON THIS HORRIBLY GORGEOUS DAY????

My point is, I'm tired.  I hate everyone who is not tired right now because I'm so jealous of them I can't see straight.  Or, maybe I'm so tired I can't see straight?  One or the other.  Whatever.  I'm taking some pills and going to sleep.  If it doesn't work this time, expect another angry tirade tomorrow.

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