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Sunday, August 25, 2013

Plants vs. Zombies, out of context

Eavesdropping on Husband and The Kid playing Plants Vs. Zombies:


Husband:  What the heck?  That bird just took my potato?

Kid:  No, it took your WALNUT.

H:  It took my walnut?!?  Ahhhh!  Stupid bird!

K:  What did it do?

H:  Took away my potato.

K:  The walnut or the potato?

H:  The potato.  Or, the walnut. Ahhhh, it's getting ready to take my dragon.

K:  They killed him.

H:  Ahhh!

K:  Die!  Eat.  my.  dust.

H:  Oh, no!  Now they're eating my bomb.

K:  They're still eating the potato.

H:  Good.  Oh, theeeere we go baby.

K:  Feel free to use that superpower on the bomb.

H:  Oh no.

K:  Hey, you can get rid of that.

H:  I'm gonna be in TROUBLE!!!!

K:  Dad, all your lawnmowers are there.  Even if they get past, you're still fine.

H:  Oh, I'm used to playing the special levels, where you can't let anyone get to your lawnmower.

K:  Those zombies are tough. And smart. Even though they don't have brains, they're still smart. What is that?

H:  I don't know..."bounces zombies back into nearby water"  Oooo!

K:  So it's basically a beam that bounces them.  Do you want to be the first to try that out?

H:  Thanks, buddy.

K:  Would you die already?  Birds, could you give me a favor and die?  Thank you!

H:  Oh yeah.

K:  Bam.  Water is their worst enemy!

H:  Ooo, a six-combo.  I haven't done a six combo yet.

K:  I have done a seven combo.

H:  Six combo again.

K:  Oh, I'm getting six combos now.

H:  Oooh, a seven combo!  Another seven combo!  Nice.


Saturday, August 24, 2013

Crazy Watermelon Lady

I've somehow become the crazy watermelon lady.

This title seemed unlikely to be awarded to me because a) I don't really eat all that much watermelon, and b) there doesn't need to be a b.  I've never heard of a crazy watermelon lady before.

It all started a couple of days ago when I went to the grocery store.  As I was perusing the fruit section, I came across a box full of watermelons being sold at an exorbitant price, so I took a picture and uploaded it to social media with the caption, "Seriously??":

Look at that "everyday value"!

Everyone who understood the value of a watermelon in the United States was as appalled as I was, and shared in my outrage.  Who does this grocery store think they are, charging nine bucks for a watermelon when five is the norm???

This began a chain reaction of other people talking about watermelon prices in their area, and some snapping a photo of their own market's display.  For example, my cousin tagged me in this one:

That's more like it!




And my friend, Steve, sent me this one:

What?  They're practically giving 'em away!
Then, a friend of mine who lives in Japan informed me that they cost between $20-30 USD each there, so then I felt bad for complaining.

I thought the whole conversation was over, until I went back to the same grocery store today and noticed that the same exact melons which started the whole frenzy were on "sale":

Someone must have rearranged them, because I doubt anybody's bought one.



...and that they were still way too expensive for watermelons.  It was after I posted this photo that I realized I'd become the crazy watermelon lady, and that from here on out, all of my Facebook friends would think of me whenever they saw a watermelon. 

Oh well.  I suppose it's nice to be thought of, even if it is in relation to my miserly attitude towards large, seasonal fruits.  I'll take it.



Monday, August 19, 2013

Songs That Get Me Right There

Some songs just hurt.

I have a whole Spotify playlist called "songs that get me right there".  It's filled with songs that punch me in the gut.  Some just have especially beautiful melodies or lyrics, some of them are linked to certain people or events in my life, but all of them could make me cry if I'm listening in a heightened emotional state.

I'd love to explain the exact quality a piece of music must possess in order to do this to me--a specific chord progression, for example--but it's not an exact science.  It's the auditory equivalent of charisma:  undefinable, but I know it when I see it.  I wish I could define it, because then I'd be able to write an entire album full of emotionally-packed songs, but I've only ever almost gotten there once or twice in my own songs.

Then again, the music which breaks one's heart varies from person to person, and thank God for that.  Isn't it wonderful that we each hear a song through our own filter of personal tastes and life experiences?  Music may be the universal language, but I guarantee you that no two people hear a song in exactly the same way.  It's a beautiful thing.

Here are a few of examples from my "gets me right there" playlist.  What would be on yours?

 
Keane, "Everybody's Changing"


Crosby, Stills, & Nash, "Wasted on the Way"


The Killers, "For Reasons Unknown"

Monday, August 12, 2013

Talking to my niece and feeling old

My niece, Kaytlin, left last Wednesday.  She was here for three weeks, so you'd think I'd have gotten sick of her, but not so much.  I miss her. 

Since I only see Kaytlin once a year now (and she looks much older than she is), I kept forgetting that she's only 13-years-old.  However, she was more than happy to remind me of this fact on many occasions, most of which left me feeling totally out of touch with "kids these days".


WAYS IN WHICH A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL MADE ME FEEL LIKE AN OLD LADY


  • "Papa Don't Preach" came on the radio.  As I was singing along, she asked, "Who sings this?"

  • Listening to her sing every word to every single new pop song on the radio, many of which I'd never heard before her arrival (and most of which had incredibly inappropriate lyrics).
 
  •  Me:  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN JUNO??????"


  • Waiter at a restaurant in the West Village:  "We have a great happy hour, would you and your daughter like a cocktail to start?"  (Do I seriously look old enough to have a 21+-year-old daughter??)

  • Me:  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN DROP DEAD GORGEOUS??????"

  • Her:  "That guy in the planetarium movie said--"
          Me:  "Wait, that wasn't a guy narrating--that was Whoopi Goldberg."

          Her:  "Who's Whoopi Goldberg?"


  • Me:  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MEAN GIRLS?????"

  • Having to explain to her who Rosie the Riveter is so that I could have her pose for this photo:

  • Me:  "When I was a kid, I had to go to the library to look up facts and research for school papers."
          Her:  "That sounds so hard."


  • Me:  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN RETURN TO ME???"

  • Watching her shop in Hot Topic.  (Seriously, though--five bucks for a rubber band bracelet??)

  •  Her:  "Who's Dustin Hoffman?"

  •  Me:  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE SIXTH SENSE???"



I'm not really complaining--seeing her reaction to the twist at the end of The Sixth Sense was pretty entertaining.  In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that everyone in their thirties should house a teenager if the opportunity should arise; it's fun to see yourself from a new perspective.  I'm kind of an old soul anyway (does anyone under the age of 40 understand the reference in my post title ^, for instance?), so it's kind of refreshing to have my old fogey side validated. 

I think I could use more punctuation in that last paragraph.  It didn't even have an ellipses...or an exclamation point!  But, I digress.  Obviously, I've just made my point about being old.  How many young'uns would even use a semicolon...or the word "young'uns"?  Let them listen to their inappropriate music and buy their silly rubber bracelets.  Better them than me...or than I?  Off to Google.


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