Thursday, March 21, 2013

Anxiety and happiness

I've been a ball of nerves lately.  Ever since I decided to self-publish my book, I've been second-guessing myself.  It's not good enough.  What will my family think?  What if everybody hates it?  It makes me look stupid...and so on and so forth.

Considering that I'm the type of person who gets anxiety over which peanut butter to buy at the grocery store, it comes as no surprise that I'm having this sort of reaction to something as big as publishing my old love letters.  I keep telling myself that fear is my body's way of telling me that I'm doing something worthwhile, but it's still hard not to beat myself up over the "what-ifs".

In an effort to calm down and re-focus my energy into something positive, I've decided to make a list of...

Things that have made me happy lately:

1.  Hanging out with Minxy.  It's been a long time coming, but after seven years of online friendship, we finally got together in-person for shopping, booze, and girl talk.  I needed that.  If any of you ever have the chance, you should definitely meet her too.  She's exactly how I imagined her to be, which is to say that she's lovely and amazing (and, of course, hot).

2.  Having red hair again.  After much experimentation, I have found that having red hair makes me happier than having any other color hair. 

3.  Receiving the proof for my book.  Even though I'm anxious about releasing it, it's nice to have a tangible book which I can hold in my hand.  I've just ordered my second proof after making a few minor adjustments, so I'm hoping to have it up for sale on Amazon in the next couple of weeks or so.  I know it's not cool to let people know that you're excited about this kind of stuff, but I really, really am.  :)
4.  Shopping.  I got a jump start on my spring wardrobe and bought the perfect red lipstick on Sunday.  For some reason, I haven't really gone shopping for clothes since I moved here almost eight months ago, and it sure felt good to break that streak.

5. Microwave brownie-in-a-coffee-mug.  Actually, these made me happy the first two times I had them, but now they just make me feel guilty and slightly ill when I start to crave one.  Must.  Stop.  (click here for the recipe, but don't say I didn't warn you)

6.  Finding out that The Party is back together and recording a new album.  As some of you may remember from my old blog, I was obsessed with The Party as an adolescent.  I practically went into mourning when they broke up.  The fact that four of them are back in the studio is almost more excitement than I can handle.  I may be more excited about this than when I found out I was pregnant with The Kid.  Don't judge me.  The Party is awesome, as you will all soon find out.

7.  Spring.  Even though it doesn't feel like it, it's spring!  My favorite season!  Hooray!

8.  Visitors.  My mom is coming to visit at the beginning of April, and then a good friend is coming soon after she leaves.  Excited to go on little day trips, including one to NYC.  Fun-fun-fun!

9.  The Kid.  No matter how down on myself I get, I can always look at him and know that I'm doing one thing really well.  And that's something.

There.  I feel a little better now.  :)
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