Thursday, December 27, 2012

Sell that snow.

Christmas is over, so it's time for me to go back to watching movies that have nothing to do with Christmas. 

For the past month, if it didn't have snow in it, I wasn't watching it.  I have a huge collection of holiday films--some great, some not-so-great--but I don't discriminate when it comes to movies that get me in the spirit.  Off the top of my head, here's a sampling of my collection:

It's a Wonderful Life
The Family Man
Jingle All The Way
The Grinch
The Holiday
Surviving Christmas
Last Holiday
Christmas With The Kranks
Deck The Halls
Home Alone
A Christmas Story
Just Friends
The Apartment
The Polar Express
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Love Actually
The Santa Clause

I know I'm missing some.

Yes, I own Deck The Halls and I know that it's objectively awful.  I like Kristin Chenoweth, though, and it's fun.  Don't judge.

But, I digress.  My point is that I've been watching all these Christmas movies in the past month, and I've developed a deep-seated hatred for fake snow, inappropriately dressed characters, and bad cold acting.  If you follow me on Twitter, you already know this, so I'm sorry if I'm being redundant, but I will not stop championing this cause until Hollywood listens.

Take, for instance, the scene in The Santa Clause where Scott Calvin catches Santa by surprise and makes him fall off the roof.  He's outside in his underwear on December 24th with snow banks all around him, yet he doesn't so much as shiver or wrap his coat tightly around him--in fact, it hangs open!  What the hell??  Why isn't he cold??

There wasn't enough time to throw on some sweatpants?  Really?

In fact, in most Christmas movies these days--even the ones shot in real snow, like Just Friends--people do not dress for the weather.  I live in a place where it gets cold and snows, and I don't know anyone who goes around with an open jacket and a skirt when it feels "like the deep south pole--if there was one. There isn't, though". 

Side note:  why do people in movies always have so many winter coats?  People I know have one--or maybe two, if one of them is fancy. Jaimie in Just Friends has four by my count. All casual.
In that scene, Ryan Reynolds isn't even wearing a coat, which I can kind of understand since he was coming from LA and all, but he has one later on. 

They drive with their car windows open in that movie, too, which just baffles me.  Do they think we won't notice?  Is the glass supposedly so clean that we can't see it?  Close your windows if it's that cold out, you morons!

At least we can see the actors' breath in that one.

Older films get a pass, but there is no excuse for us not being able to see the breath of actors who are walking around in snow in modern productions.  Mirror Mirror comes to mind.  In that film, Snow White meanders around a wintery forest for almost an entire 90 minutes wearing no coat, short sleeves, and often rolling around in the snow.  The whole time, she doesn't shiver once and we can't see her breath at all.  That movie has a TON of CGI when the Evil Queen is involved--would it have broken the budget entirely to have added a little visible breath??  It completely took me out of the experience.

You know who was a great cold actor?  Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey.  The scene was shot in 90 degree weather, but when he's standing on the bridge at the end, praying and pleading, "I wanna live again", I believe that he's freezing.

Take note, cast of Christmas with the Kranks.

Obviously, I'm kind of neurotic about this stuff.  But seriously, I can't be the only one who is bothered by these things.  Can I?

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